Menu | Emotional Support Pizza™

Specialty Pizzas

Pizza First. Questions Later.

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Best Seller

The Everything Is Fine

$21.95

Pepperoni, whole-milk mozzarella, extra cheese, red sauce, and confidence unsupported by current events.

Add Emotional Support +

Zero Decisions

The Bare Minimum

$18.95

Red sauce and mozzarella. Nothing artisanal. Nothing unexpected. You already answered enough emails today.

Do The Minimum +

Maximum Opinions

The Group Chat

$24.95

Pepperoni, sausage, peppers, onions, mushrooms, olives, and several toppings somebody claims they never agreed to.

Start The Argument +

Hot Honey

The Ghosted Again

$23.95

Cup-and-char pepperoni, jalapeños, hot honey, mozzarella, and one final check of your messages.

Stop Checking Your Phone +

Office Approved

Should've Been An Email

$22.95

Italian sausage, roasted peppers, onions, mozzarella, and approximately 47 minutes of your life returned in pizza form.

Reclaim Your Evening +

Contains Vegetables

Technically Self-Care

$22.95

Mushrooms, peppers, onions, tomatoes, spinach, mozzarella, and enough vegetables to support several optimistic conclusions.

Feel Responsible +

Crispy • Sauced • Necessary Wings

Wings

Choose Your Damage.

Bone-in or boneless. Six, ten, or twenty. Then choose how aggressively you would like tomorrow to remind you about tonight.

Garlic Parmesan Reasonable. Mature. Suspiciously stable.

1/5

Lemon Pepper Loud in a productive way.

2/5

Classic Buffalo You know what you did.

3/5

Hot Honey Sweet first. Consequences later.

4/5

Tomorrow's Problem Waiver spiritually implied.

5/5

Order Wings

Sides

Apparently Pizza Wasn't Enough.

Emergency Garlic Knots

Eight knots brushed with garlic butter, parmesan, parsley, and poor restraint.

$8.95

Mozzarella Backup Plan

Breaded mozzarella with marinara. Because the first cheese strategy needed support.

$9.95

The Responsible Choice

Romaine, tomatoes, cucumber, onion, parmesan, and the smug satisfaction of technically ordering a salad.

$8.95

Dessert

Final Course

You've Already Come This Far.

Emergency tiramisu, cannoli, warm chocolate cookies, and absolutely no lecture about stopping while you're ahead.

Emergency Tiramisu $7.95

Two Cannoli $6.95

Warm Chocolate Cookies $7.95

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Current Recommendation

Enough Reading. Get The Pizza.

You have reviewed the evidence. We support your decision.

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Choose Your Coping Mechanism.